


CLENTCH

by Christian_Buddha_Chips_Against_Spaghetti



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Lemon, Lots of Angst, M/M, Multi, Other, PWP, Sad Ending, Smut, Threesome???, bot anti, drunktards writing, exclusive, thats a lot of damage, top dark, uneditied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-21 14:03:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13742511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Christian_Buddha_Chips_Against_Spaghetti/pseuds/Christian_Buddha_Chips_Against_Spaghetti
Summary: His fingertips brushed gently against his smooth marble cheek. The cold touch sent chills down his spine. He tried to move away, but his hand was firmly held down. It was almost comforting, the warmth of the body that loomed over him. He had never been this vulnerable before, and couldn't hide the soft blush in front of those dark piercing eyes. The only noise in the dimly lit room was his own breath, heavy and hot."Are you afraid?"





	1. Chapter 1

One dark dark night, little antisepticeye stopped at a tiny shop to buy bread for his grandma jacksepticeye.

She smash through that shop

“UWUU~~~ ANO D-D-ESU BUY B-BREAD??”

“Do you have a visa little boyu.”

Antisepticeye clenched his asshole. “V-visa???”  


 

“I am clenching my asshoel so hard right now” yelled the shopkeeper's husband, rolling out of the bathroom.

The shopkeeper’s husband sighed, as he continues clenching his asshole. He had been constipated for years and finally took a shit on the table. It felt so, so good.

“Dammit Malvin stop disturbing the customers!” The shopkeeper screamed.

Little green Jack was very confused and just wanted bread. He rolled over to the breads and put one in his little smol basket. He snuck out of the shop as the gay smol bean lovers argued.

“Phew, that was pretty hectic.” He pronounced.

So little green Jackie boyu continued his journey into the woods to grandmother's house, when suddenly he heard rustling in the bushes.

“Wh- Whom’st’ll’ve’ed there?” He yelped.

Big bad Darkiplier rolled out of the bushes, a toothy grin forming on his dark edgy forehead.

“Jesus christ” said Anti

The big bad **Darkiplier** slowly approached Anti, drooling a shitton.

“Hello, little Anti hmHMHMHhm.” He growled, his thicc eyebrows furrowing onto his lips.

Anti sweated’ve’st’all’aint’ve out of his hairy thicc nostrils. Whos mans was this and whomst’ve’all’aint’ve’ll’ed are his intentions???

“U-um, I’m not suppose to be t-t-talking to s--stranger-s.” he said timidly

“Oh?” Da **rkiplier** ejeculated. He just couldn’t control himself in front of the delicious little Anti. (Wow, what a shotacon.) Good thing it went unnoticed since he was wearing thicc waterproof pants. He raised his elbow before unraising it.

“Oh, my dear Anti, but don’t you hear the birds singing? The woods are all too beatyiful to just run through. You ought to slow down a bit and look at the flowers” He murmured, clenching his eyebrows (and asshole) deeper into his face.

“Oh, a-al-alright.” Anti softy spoke. “Ju-just for a l-little bit.”

Anti calmed down a little and followed big bad **Dark** iplier into a field of the most beatiful flowers his eyes ever’ve la’ved op’on. They were so beautiful that Daddy **Dark** nutted again. Anti’s smol bean uwu figure was a gorgeous sight with the flowers. He just wanted to devour him entirely and completely. But not yet, it wasn’t the right moment.

“So,” Dadd **y Da** rk akwardly added. “Are those breads I smells in that smol basket of yours?” He .tried to peak inside, but Anti flinched away.

“Y-yes…..! I’m going to give them to my g-g-gr-grand-grandma!”

“Grandma? Whosmt’bev your grandma’s name?” He asked.

Anti though for a second, then for a minute, then for an hour. He fell so deep into thought that he and **Dar** k was transported into fucking sherlock homhlmlme’s home. Sherlock was sleeping on his desk because his bed went missing. Anti and D **ark** hid under his desk.

“Hm, what seems to have happended’ve’ll’aint’ed here?” He barked quietly.  
“Oh my sweet baby jesus my bread is gone!” Anti screamed!!!!

Sherlock flinched violently awake, breaking his foot shaped benis.  
“That hurt a lots.” He bellowoed. “Whomt’ve’ll’aint’ve be under my deskicles?

**Dark** raised the table with his bare p(enis)inky and threw it out the window. Anti rolled up awkwardly into a ball and sobbed.

“Oh dear down’t cwry wittle sweety.” **Dark r** oared ferociously.  
“I’ll getcha your bread, get up now.” He took Anti by the armpit and dragged him up. Anti jumped away, face full of anger. His whole body started floating, his eyes glowedered’ll’ve with a dangerous red.  
  
“YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!” He screamed. His voice lowering in a dramatic pace. “I WANTS ME BREADS!”

**Dark d** idn’t expect this. He backed away cowardlyly, not knowing what to do.

Anti threw a fit of screams before he transformed into a-  
“NOT SO FAST!” The footless gay sherlock exclaimed, smashing through his bedroom door and tackling Anti into the ground. The impact was so impactively huge that they went through multiple metal floors until they landed in a giant tub of naked gay old chinese men.

“AI YA LE!” One screeched (What)  
“NI GAN SHIMA?!!?!?” Another screeched (What be done doing)  
“DOOO MAEEEEEEE!!!” The third screeched. (DOOOO MAEEEEE)

The three gay men splashed the water like there was no more sake and Shercock and Anti were thrown out of the tub, weiner fighting.

“DO NOT DEFY ME MORTAL!” Anti exclaimed’ve’ll’aint’ve’t’ed. “I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME BY MY SIDE!”

“Sweet baby Jesus foking mary christ oh Mary Bekins give me a Miracle!” Sherlock chanted/pondered, throwing Anti off of him. Anti crashed agaisnt a achient chinese pot shaped like a dick. He laid there as Sherlock got up and reached for his dildo pistol. His hands shaked as he raised the gun to Anti, but before he could press the trigger, he felt a falCON PUNCH in his face. He fell to the ground and rolled on his side, spitting out a cloat of blood. and dick juice

“Dont go near him.” **Dark** warned. Walking slowly towards his dying body.  
“Why does this always happen to me.” Sherlock moaned (suggestively)(° ͜ʖ °).  
**Dark r** ubbed his hands in excitement as he loomed over the sexuality confused Sherlock, forgetting that he had a pistol in his hand. PEW PEW PEW

He was shot three times in the testicles and tumbled backwards.  
“Ouchie, that tickled.” He giggled. Being a non human, his testicronimal sensors quickly healed his testicles back to its normal state.

Sherlock got up and ran away, limping on his still broken foot. **DARKi** plier wanted to go after the yummy humanoid, but he couldn’t leave anti behind. Anti was uncounsiuous, laying on the shattered chinese pot. **Dar** k picked him up and heard a faint:

“BORN TO MAKE HISTORY  
DONT STOP US NOW  
TH ARE HERE  
WE ARE  
BORN TO MAKE HISTORY  
”

In the distance. He wanted not to take any part of whoever that came from, especially if it didnt involve dicks. But oh boy was he in for a Big suprise.

Before he could blink, a very verified Victor ”virgin” Vikiforov virtued his villionous vay into the room. Singing the song so loud that Anti woke up from the dead and **Dark** dropped him to cover his ears.  
a magician  
“Hellow мои дорогие друзья,” he bellowed in a James Charles accent.  
“Velcome to RUZZIA!”

“Wait,” **Dark** barked. “We’re in Russia?”  
“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””  
Anti woke up.  
“Wowey that was a strange dream.” He groaned, turning his head.

“Indeed it vas.” Viktor faced him in the bed also.

Anti jumped up, and realized that **Dark w** as in the bed too, still sleeping.

“W-wait what just happened?” He asked.

Victor started giggling like a little gay James Charles russian baby pig. He slappe **d Dark aw** ake.

“Tell him **Darky, t** ell him vhat happened.” He kept giggling (in a little gay James Charles Russian baby pig accent.  
**Dark** was in a daze. He slowly got up and yawned. He was also naked yeet. “Tell him what?”

“What happened, **Darky.** What we did last night owo hehehe.”

**Dark** suddenly remembered the event. A large grin appeared on his dark emo face as Anti’s scared little back shivered against the walls.

“WHAT HAPPENED WAS THAT YOU THREE REPLICATED A DICK SHAPED KEY THAT SAID “DO NOT REPLICATE” ON IT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!”  
Sherlock and the police department smashed through the metal walls WEEE WOO WEE WOOOO

“HANDS IN THE AIR! ALL OF YOU!” The police surrounded the bed. One of the policemen had sharp teeth and RASpBERRY HAIR. He could only be regonized as: rin matsuoka

“RWARRRR!”

 

“And that's why I’m here.” Anti said to the other inmates. “I replicated a dick shaped key that wasn’t supposed to be replicated with two naked guys.”

The inmates stared at him for a second, trying to process the horrific crime that Anti had admitted to. They were so shocked that they all fainted.

“ZZ-ch” Anti pressed the talk button on the Benis shaped walkie talkie. “I got ‘em down. Blow the wall.”

“ZZ- Gotcha.” The radio replied as the cement wall behind him exploded. Anti ran over to Victor on the other side and hugged him.

“I missed you so much!” He teared up a little. “Wheres **Darkiplier?** ” He said, looking up to Victor. He didn’t reply, instead hugged Anti tightly. The little red bean sobbed on his black and white inmate clothing.

“I’m sorry Anti, his testicnoculars malfunctioned. He’s in a better place now.”

“No..NO!” He screamed. “I’M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT HIM!”

Victor dragged the hopeless Anti into a raft made of over 500 raincoats. Victor gave some dick shaped bread for Anti to munch on, and Anti wasn’t sad anymore.

“Oh shit thanks lets go.”

The air was cool, and the breeze lifted specs of their thicc hair as they the raft slowly drifted away from the island.

“By the way Victor. About the key we replicated back then; what was it for?” He asked.  
Victor beamed. “The key to your ass.”

The end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

BEHIND THE SCENES:

BOOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM I WANT YOU IN MY ROOM WE’LL SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER FROM NOW UNTIL FOREVER sorry i just had to write that

 

 

Alright we gotta end the story somehow

Ok so  
-Anti in prison  
-darkiplier dies because of his testicle malfunction  
-Victor breaks out and breaks Anti out and they sail happily in the sunset.

Wow what a ending

Yeah i like the second option :)

 

adios  
You’r drunk

 

 

 

 

 

Thnx senpai

 

Okay recap:  
Anti goes in woods to grind ma’s  
-dark convinces him to look at flowers  
-Anti thinks so hard that he and dark teleport to sherlock’s home  
-Sherlock wanks up and breaks his foot  
-Then gets thrown out the window with his desk  
-Anti does a demonic thing  
-Sherlock tackles Anti through 73 metal floors into a chinese tub  
-Sherlock about to kill anti  
-Dark punches sherlock and sherlock is dying  
-Dark approaches sherlock but gets SHOT in the testicles and doesnt die  
-Sherlock running away  
-Dark dont care cus he wants anti dick

 

How do you change the colour on the

Hellothot  
;dlh vgilrkhbydlih jt;os  
*nuzzles* hehe

Begone thot

There  
Antiantijack x darkiplier

Roight  
Yummy  
I love  
banananans  
fuck  
fuck

Thnx  
<3  
WHATS MY DAMN NAME  
Womst’ve’all’aint’ve’nt’ll’uhhhhhhhhhhboneless pizza

 

Womst’av’aint’bu’v’e’t’he

I love me some boneless pizza

Gotta heve me some good lasagna  
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
Wait  
Do you have my discord  
I think so  
Idk  
But like  
I dont use discord anymore

Well yur about to  
I dont use discord

What the fuck bro  
Y u delete everything  
What the fuck


	2. Save Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "TAKE, O take those lips away   
> That so sweetly were forsworn,   
> And those eyes, the break of day,   
> Lights that do mislead the morn:   
> But my kisses bring again,   
>  Bring again—   
> Seals of love, but seal’d in vain,   
>  Seal’d in vain!"

Victor’s eyes fluttered open. A loud sound echoed beside him, fuzzed by his dizziness. He propped up one arm to lift himself from the sand and swayed his head to where the sound came from. Antisepticeye was rolled up into a ball, crying his eyes out. Victor was confused and wanted to scream too, but his throat was dry. Even worse, he really needed to piss. 

 

So Yuri got up, and lumbered into the woods. To his luck, he found a well! A bucket laid beside it too. He relieved himself beside the well, then quickly picked up the bucket to scoop water out of it. It was a little heavy, so he assumed rainwater was inside and tipped the liquid into his mouth. His face scrunched up in disgust as he realized that he had peed inside the bucket.

 

“VICTOR!” Anti exclaimed behind him. 

 

Victor spun around in surprise and spat piss onto Anti’s face. Anti didn’t seem to mind, still sobbing and wrapped his arms around Victor’s chest.

 

“Why did you leave me?” Anti cried.

 

Victor coughed as he was trying to recollect his thoughts about the events that just took place. “ Vherr the hell are ve?” He managed to croak out. 

 

Anti pushed himself off of Victor to wipe the tears and piss of his face, calming down a bit. “W-we I don’t know. There w-was a storm and now we’re on t-this island! I thought you had died!”

 

Victor ignored Anti’s last sentence as he dunked his face into the well to get rid of the undesired taste in his mouth. 

 

“But s-since you’re alive, I have a top again!” Anti said, blushing.

 

“Top?” Victor laughed, spitting fresh water onto Anti’s face. “Me? Top you? Zure, but only if there's a third person involved.” 

 

And that was the last heard from Victor Nikiforov before a giant slimy seaweed dragged him into the depths of the mysterious well.  

 

Anti screamed and ran away, flailing his thicc arms so wildly that he began to fly. 

 

“Holy shit I’m a birb!” He moaned owo.

 

In the distance he saw a floating cruiseship. He always wanted to be on a floating cruise ship, and now was his chance; a once in a lifetime opportunity that could not be missed. He landed in a wild cruise party with the biggest pool he’d ever laid his eyes upon. In the pool was a shirtless h0t man with a h0t beer belly and no eyebrows.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” The poparatizi crowded around him, taking photos with their nokia phones. The beer bellied cowboy man inside the pool was no other than BlAKE ShElTON  THE HOTTEST (SEXIEST) MAN ALIVE (according to people magazine aka republicans). 

  
  
  
  


He rolled out the pool and the crowd made way for him, a woman laid a red carpet in front of him as he walked and the sandman from Big Time Rush threw sand.

Anti’s eyes grew wide. Big dream Daddy Shelton  and his beer belly was so fine and he just had to get closer to him. But how would he be able to get his attention with all the people around him? He’ll have to sing some uhhhhhhhhCarrie Underwood songsz.

 

“Ow!” A man screamed on top of a table, his glamour jacket flying open and his finger in the air. Everyone turned him, even  Shelton .

 

“I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel good!” He waved his hands in circles (like a fucking idiot). “I knew that a would now. I FEEEEeeEEEeEeEeeEEEEL nice! Like suger and spice!” He strutted on his banjo down the floor towards Shelton . “So nice! So nice! I got you!” He stopped and pointed his finger in front of him.  Shelton rasied a bro(fist)w. The crowd stared anxiously, wondering what he was thinking. 

 

“Not bad. Not at all.”  Shelton shelled by the seashore. He took the man’s hand and twirled him in. “ITS CONGA TIME!” 

 

Suddenly everyone grabbed a partner and danced to mexican music cuming from the speakers. Anti pushed through rows of people, trying to get to  Shelton . He tripped over his own dick shaped foot (like a fucking idiot) and got kicked around all the way to  Shelton and his dude, and they tripped on the smol bean. 

 

“OOOOOOoooOOoOooOOOOW!” The glamour guy screamed. He had broken his testicles falling down. What a shame. 

 

“STOP” Shelton screamed louder, as he was kicked around by the dancers. 

 

Everyone grew to a halt like a bunch of fucking horses..

 

“WHOMST’VE’LL’AINT’TE’LL’ED BE DOING A TRIPPING BELOW ME TOES?!? YEEHAW!” 

 

“IS IT YOU!” He pointed at a woman, known no other as Asuka From Evangelion. She froze in fear, senpai had noticed her!

 

“B-baka!” Asuka whined. A hot pink blush blushed apon’d’’ve’ll’est’ed her cheek“ Senpai you PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She cried, and kicked him in the testicle balls.

 

“YEEHOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”  Blake Shelton , the sexiest man alive yelped. “HOW DARE YOU LAY YOUR FILTHY TSUNDERE FOOT AGAINST THE, THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE (yes i acknowledge it myself)  IN THE TESTICLEBALLS, SHOW SOME DAMB RESPECCT”

 

Everyone jumped on top of Asuka and shamed her for doing such a despicable sin. 

 

“That's it! I’m leaving! All of you are FILTH!” He shuddered, before running off like a pussy.

 

“WAIT!” Anti yelled. “I TRIPPED YOU!” 

 

Shelton turned around, and gave Anti a disgusted cowboy look before the ship blew up.

 

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!” Anti opened his eyes to one no other than the man himself be doing, Kirito! 

 

Anti didn’t smell any eggs or bacon. A large frown formed on his sleepy face and he yawned before an even larger frown formed on his face. 

 

“Aw, sweetling, don’t be sad.” Kirito screamed gently, before dying?????????????? 

 

Anti fell back into a deep slumber, before passing away, never finding a top or his grandmother Jack.

**BEHIND THE SCENES**

 

Yo

Yeah we’vWhat now

THOU HAST PEACE BE GIVING BY THY COURTRESS LIP

I reaght

  
  


Twelpth night the one with the trans and the independant woman who ddont need no man d thont need no man and the self entitlied self

Romeo: dies

Juliet: what thy fuck

Whomse’ve’st’ll’st’ve’ed aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhtttttt

  
  


Yime to post

 

Rip anti u will be missed

This makes me cry

This is the most emotional peice of literature iv ever laid my hands apon

Im crying so hard right now you dont understand fuck harry potter this is what REAL LITERATURE looks like

  
  


Take notes shakesphear

Take NOTES, carrie underwood

Wtf is happening anymore

I literaly cannot imagine this 

fuck

This is why you dont add kirito into any story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We cried writing this

**Author's Note:**

> testicle malfunction  
> kudos pour part duex


End file.
